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GOD and PROJECT MANAGER
One day a man was having a conversation with God when his
whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands
of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints,but during the
most difficult periods of his life there were only one set of footprints.
He asked God "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but
why have you deserted me duringthe most critical times of my life??" to
which God answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you
see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times in
your life, I was carrying you in my hands"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Another day I was having a similar conversation with my Project Manager
(PM) when my whole project flashed before my eyes as a series of footsteps
on the sands of time. I saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but
during the most difficult times in the project there were only one set of
foot prints . I asked my PM "You said you will be with me throughout the
project, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of
the project??" to which the PM answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was
always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those
difficult times, I was sitting on your head!!"
How To cheat a Traffic Police
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following
exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got caught drink
driving.
Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's
card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.
Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman
who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver : Yes, sir.
Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was
quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to
handle the tense situation.
Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
Captain: Whose car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card. The driver owned the
car.
Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a
gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing
in the glove box.
Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a
body in it.
Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.
Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told
him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box,
and that there was a dead body in the trunk.
Driver: Yeah, I'll bet that Liar told you I was speeding too!
---------------Girls----------------------------
------- -----are like apples-------------------
--------on trees. The best ones-----------
------are at the top of the tree.--------
----The boys dont want to reach------
---for the good ones because they ------
-are afraid of falling and getting hurt.----
Instead, they just get the rotten apples-
---from the ground that aren't as good,
but easy. So the apples at the top think
-something is wrong with them, when in
--reality, they're amazing. They just
---have to wait for the right boy to-------
----- come along, the one who's-----------
----------- brave enough to-----------------
-----------------climb all----------------------
----------------- the way---------------------
-----------------to the top--------------------
---------------- of the tree.-----------------
********************************
RULES OF LIFE
Rule # 1. It's important to have a woman who helps at
home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
Rule # 2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
Rule # 3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't
lie to you.
Rule # 4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes
to be with you.
Rule # 5. It's very, very important that all these four women don't know
each other..............
MISS CALL
Hello?"
"Hi honey.
This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy. She's upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."
After a brief pause, Daddy says, "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle
Paul."
"Oh yes I do and he's upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."
***Brief Pause***
"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on
the table, run upstairs, knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy
that Daddy's car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."
"And what happened honey?" he asked.
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and
ran around screaming. Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on
the dresser and now she isn't moving at all!"
"Oh my God!!! What about your Uncle Paul?"
"He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too. He was all scared
and he jumped out of the back window and into the swimming pool. But
I guess he didn't know that you emptied it last week to clean it. He
hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
***Long Pause***
***Longer Pause***
***Even Longer Pause***
***A Even Longer Pause***
Then Daddy says, "Swimming pool? . . . Is this 0487 2335356 ?"
CHAT ROOM-funny story
Hello! Here is something interesting...
Our FRIEND WAS chatting with a female - Online chat.( Background both are
s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC's)
Hero : Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today?
Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat
Hero : wow...am honored, u know what, my day starts only when I find you
on Chat
Female: Yep...me too feel the same...Brb (be right back)'ll get some
Coffee.
Hero : OK
(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat.)
Manager : Hey, I need some help from you
Hero : [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me
Manager : Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number,
Given value of n.
Would you give this by today evening?
Hero : I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you, if
I Give it by tomorrow evening.
Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]
(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female
to Arrive. All
of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)
Female: Hey, am back
Hero : cool, you know what my manager does, She's kinda..... keeps asking
stupid Things,
tries to give me stupid work
Female: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!
Hero : Yep, u rite!!
Female: Hey, can u do me a favor
Hero : *smiles* sure, why not.
Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number,
given N. Would
you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's real Urgent
for me to work this out
Hero : hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Ur mail in an hour from
now. ok?
Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU
KNOW WHO I AM!! AND ONE MORE POINT.... YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW!!
Confidence, Trust and Hope...
CONFIDENCE
Once, all village people decided to pray for rain. On the day of
prayer all people gathered and only one boy came with an Umbrella;
that's Confidence.
TRUST
Trust should be like the feeling of a one year old baby when you
throw him in the air, he laughs...because he knows you will catch
him; that's Trust.
HOPE
Every night we go to bed, we have no assurance to get up alive in
the next morning but still you have plans for the coming day;
that's Hope.
Happiness, Sadness,
Knowledge and Love
Once upon a time, there was an island where all the
feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others,
including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island
would sink, so all constructed boats and left. Except for Love.
Love was the only one who stayed. Love wanted to hold out until the last
possible moment.
When the island had almost sunk, Love decided to ask for help. Richness
was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said, "Richness, can you take me
with you?" Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and
silver in my boat. There is no place here for you."
Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel.
"Vanity, please help me!"
"I can't help you, Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity
answered.
Sadness was close by so Love asked, "Sadness, let me go with you." "Oh . .
. Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!"
Happiness passed by Love, too, but she was so happy that she did not even
hear when Love called her.
Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come, Love, I will take you." It was an
elder. So blessed and overjoyed, Love even forgot to ask the elder where
they were going. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own
way. Realizing how much was owed the elder,
Love asked Knowledge, another elder, "Who Helped me?" "It was Time,"
Knowledge answered.
"Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?" Knowledge smiled with deep
wisdom and answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how
valuable Love is."
Hi friends .Take some time to analyze after reading this.
This message
was sent by Loshan P
www.adlokam.com |
